Somewhere in America, a podcast bro is probably telling Theo Von that semen retention gave him a six-pack. Meanwhile I just found out the Beisar Pixel can plug me, ring me and rub my balls at the same time, I might skip the self-help advice this month.
Let me be clear for the DYG crowd: I am not doing No Nut November. I respect the discipline. I respect the guys swapping chastity tips online, half of them probably locked in a Beisar Prometheus chastity cage. But that's not me. 4 days into Nonstop Nutting November, and I've probably produced a liter of cum. Sophia Locke would be proud. And now I've got the best excuse to keep on rallying.
The toy is called the Pixel, and per XBIZ it's a three-function anal vibrator. Three. It's an anal dilator, a cock ring, and a testicle massager in one wearable piece, which is basically a full staff meeting happening in my lap. Hold all my calls, please. It's got nine vibration modes and nine expansion patterns. That's 81 different ways of my ass getting gently opened up while my balls get buzzed and my dick gets choked like it owes somebody money.
The expansion part is where things really open up, literally. Most toys just sit there and vibrate and hope you do the rest. This one inflates at the touch of a button, inside you, on a schedule. That's not a toy, that's the type of slow-motion plot twist you don't mind waiting for the final climax.
Beisar's product manager, Civeen William, told XBIZ the Pixel "came from exploring what we could do with what we learned from the Beisar prostate massager line," which is their Petalwish collection of thrusting, vibrating P-spot toys. So these people already spent a whole product line studying the prostate and came back like, okay, but what if we also handled the balls. That's the kind of R&D I'd volunteer for, and I have the browser history to prove I'd show up early.
Here's my gooning plan: Pixel goes in, ring goes on, I put it on one of the gentler modes, and I edge for an hour or two pretending I'm a man of restraint. Then I hit whatever mode nine feels like and finish off to some Little Puck or Violet Voss. The whole point of a long session is losing control slowly, and this thing is built to take the wheel from three directions at once, which honestly sounds like the healthiest relationship I'll have in a while.
And the damage? The Pixel is $56.99 on Beisar's site right now, marked down from $119.99, which means my No Nut November costs less than one bad parlay. It's already sitting in my cart, ready to buy. Once it shows up I'll report back with a full DYG review, mode by mode,
And to my No Nut November gooners, I love you, I'm rooting for you, please don't open this article. We've got plenty planned on DYG for everyone white-knuckling it this month over at No Nut November.