Nicki Minaj got floated for the podium. Wrong Nikki. The United States of Gooners already has a candidate, and she’s been answering hard questions with her clothes off for two decades. Give the woman a blazer and a briefing book. Or don’t. She’ll still look better answering Ukraine questions than the last one did.
After Katie Zacharia lasted five whole days as White House press secretary, Steven Cheung floated Nicki Minaj as a replacement, and Nikki Benz did what any self-respecting AVN Hall of Famer would do. She applied and even posted stills of herself behind the podium, so the hiring team wouldn’t have to use their imagination. Or their right hand.
Let's talk about the job she wants to replace. Five days. Katie Zacharia got the podium, took three questions, called her husband "the president" and then spent the rest of the briefing reading Trump's greatest hits. Oh, and then the internet found out she called herself a lawyer without passing the bar. Shortest White House press secretary tenure in history, somehow worse than the Scaramucci era. But also longer than I lasted for Locktober, so I'll give some credit where credit is due. But if that's the bar, Nikki clears it on her knees.
And before anyone clutches pearls about an adult star in the West Wing, sit down. Let’s not forget Stormy Daniels. Alleged hotel encounter. $130,000 hush money. A whole New York trial. The man has proven, under oath, that he can work with talent from this industry. Backing Nikki isn't a scandal for him. It's brand continuity.
He paid one porn star to stay quiet. He can hire another one to talk.
Nikki’s open letter is honestly better than most official resumes I’ve seen. Thick skin. Camera-ready. Direct answers. Media literacy. Punctual. Funny under pressure. “I’ve spent my career answering questions in front of cameras,” she wrote. “I’m ready to do it fully clothed, behind a White House podium.” If anything, we can name the live feed WhiteHouseCams.com.
And if we really want to deep dive resumes to see if she’s qualified, you’ll realize she’s the complete package. She’s built for boardroom meetings, the Big Tits Boss who never lets work go unfinished. Crisis response? She did Ghostbusters XXX Parody (aka Nutbusters). Trump-family familiarity: Brazzers’ ZZ Erection, in which she played Ivanka Drumpf.
The transition to the briefing room should at least come with transferable credits.
Need someone behind enemy lines? Check her work in Take No Prisoners. Classified debriefing? The Sex Files 2: A Dark XXX Parody. And yes, she’s done Big Tits in Uniform, so it's easy to picture big tits at the podium. Hell, maybe the press asks about tariffs and doesn't get an answer that sounds like it was written by a terrified intern.
She’s even tried real politics. In 2014 she announced a Toronto mayoral run against Rob Ford — “Trade in your Ford for a Benz.” She tried to register, City Hall got weird about her expired license, and the campaign still made international news. She's been preparing for a hostile press pool since Rob Ford was the soft competition.
Longevity is the part the Normies keep skipping. Nikki's been in this industry over twenty years. AVN Hall of Fame. 2020 AVN Awards co-host. Penthouse Pet of the Year. Nearly a million followers on X, millions more elsewhere, hundreds of millions of Pornhub views. Nikki's career already proves she'll outlast and outperform almost anyone.
Brandi Love jumped in after Nikki, which I respect — Brandi’s a freak in the best way — but we’re in the POV Lane, which is Benz only. Minaj’s pussy will put your ass to sleep, we’ll be calling her NyQuil at the pressers too. There's just no one else more qualified: Nikki Benz is the dopamine fix America needs. Call your congressman. Call Cheung. Call whoever to get Nikki the job as press sec.